tell me if my story is good? its easy to read?
Hawk Brake Pads May 9th, 2009one summer day in a pasture full of clovers, a bautiful black, and white foal was born. it was a female thuroughbred. she was raised to become a racehorse. in the the first few years of her life she was raised at a farm called Sunny Acres. Sunny Acres was a big farm that raised cattle, pigs, cows, and horses. Dancer was a strong horse, she was always nervous around humans. Exept for the farms owners daughter, her name wsa Ashley.
Since Ashley was born she had always said ” when i grow up i wanna be a jockey in the Kentucky Derby! ” She was now 15 and rode horses all the time and she was planning on racing Dancer when Dancer was old enough.
Asley was the only person Dancer would let handle her, they had a bond.
when Asley would take Dancer and her mother out to the feild she would stay in the field with them and play with Dancer.
A few months had past and there was a terrible hurricane that hit the farm luckley there wasn’t very strong wind but very heavy rain that flooded the feilds and the barn. The water was rising very fast it was very loud and confusing for the horses. they had to do something, they had to get out. their first instinkt was to kick the doors open wich luckly worked for the other horses. unforchunatly for dancer and her mother hawk their stall door would not open even with hawks full force kicks. they where both panicking and didn’t know what to do. finnaly Ashley comes running out of her house right next to the barn and then opens Dancers stall door. She tried to grab Hawk and lead her out but she didn’t move. so she went over to Dancer and walked her out of the stall, following was Hawk.
there wasn’t any damge to the barn just the doors needed to get re-done.
A few months past and it was Dancers birthday, She was turining 1.
Ashley was throwing a party for her. everyone in the town came and brought there horses along with. people brought tons of presents for Dancer like a racing saddle and racing bridle some new toys and plenty of treats.
They had a cookout with hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, soda, and ofcourse people brought cake. one person brought a cake full of healthy horse treats like apples sugar cubes carrots and on the non healthy side of the cake icing.
All the horses seemed to love their cake, especialy Dancer. Another person brought a regulare cake for the humans. Dancer had a great birthday and got to play with all her little friends and her big friends.
The next day Ashley decided to try and brake Dancer. This was Ashleys first time braking a horse but she had seen poeple brake horses before and she decided to do it much diferently than those people who would just jump on the horses back.
she first went for putting the saddle pad on. she gently placed the saddle pad on Dancers back. It took 3 times for Dancer to let it be placed on her back. when Asley got the saddle pad on her she walked Dancer around for a few minutes to make sure Dancer was comfortable with something being on her back while moving.
the next thing Ashley went for was the saddle. she kept the saddle pad in Dancer when she very gently placed it on Dancers back above the saddlr pad. it took a few times for dancer to be fine with something heavy on her back. once again Ashley walked Dancer around.
the next thing she tried to tackle was putting the girth on.
Ashley knew to be very patient and calm with this prosses.
putting the girth on was the 2nd most dangerouse thing with trying to brake a horse. It took the rest of the day to tighten the girth to a reasonable lenghth but Ashley acomplished it.
When you typed your story, didn’t the spell checker with the pencil eraser pop up? A lot?
As annoying as it may be, that little icon could be your best friend.
Aside from your spelling errors, your punctuation, grammar and sentence structure could use a lot of work.
As it is right now, this is not a story. It is a report.
If you are serious about writing, keep practicing and read some of the informative writer’s blogs out there.
If this is one of your first stories, don’t give up. The more you write, the better you will get.
May 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Its ok but you might want to check your spelling, punctuation and such. I don’t think It will be made into a real book, Its Good for a quickly written story but other than that, Its Ok.
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Im a Read-a-holic
My uncles a publisher
May 9th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Sorry hun but I agree with sam on this one. (the first answer)
You might want to edit alot of it.
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May 9th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Before you submit anything, anywhere, you should ALWAYS check your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. It looks more professional with no spelling mistakes, and shows that you took the time to read back over your own story. Did you? Your story was short and sweet, but the sentence structure could be improved upon. Instead of saying: ‘The cat likes milk. She ran over to drink it. It was very good.’ You could say: ‘The silken feline caught every movement of the white-clad delivery man; her milk was here! As soon as he disappeared, she bolted toward the glass bottles and tapped one with an outstretched paw. It topples over, sending a flow of milk toward her. She bent her head and lapped it up, sitting smugly.’ Do you see the difference? Try putting a little pump in your writing with descriptive language and some semicolons. I hope that helps!
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May 9th, 2009 at 10:23 am
When you typed your story, didn’t the spell checker with the pencil eraser pop up? A lot?
As annoying as it may be, that little icon could be your best friend.
Aside from your spelling errors, your punctuation, grammar and sentence structure could use a lot of work.
As it is right now, this is not a story. It is a report.
If you are serious about writing, keep practicing and read some of the informative writer’s blogs out there.
If this is one of your first stories, don’t give up. The more you write, the better you will get.
References :